staying power

These words are carved on a small wooden doorway at the top of a small stairway leading to a little, cell-like room in a tower - it is a lookout at the front of an old church at the abbey on the Isle of Iona. It was in this little room that the monks took turns watching and waiting. It wasn't like a castle lookout tower with a warning bell or a place for weapons to protect the place. It was situated so that the person who was "on-duty" could let others know when someone was coming to the abbey. The purpose of the watch was to welcome the stranger.

What must it have been like to wait and watch, to pray and try to stay awake as you looked for someone, anyone, who might be coming your way? I admire the resolve to welcome the strangers, and find it speaks volumes that this was part of their daily worship - just as much as leading the psalm-singing or planting the garden or carefully illuminating a sacred text.

Waiting is not my strong suit. Like most 21st Century Americans I have been conditioned to expect instant results. Hungry? Well there are any number of "fast" food places, and even if you cook you can be eating in 30 minutes. In Love? There are drive-thru wedding chapels only a flight away in Vegas. Wanna be entertained? You can instantly stream a variety of films, tv shows, etc. Curious about anything? Google it. Want something you can't afford right now? Charge it.

We all know, at some level, that waiting can be a good thing - but that doesn't mean we like it. 2009 was, for me, a year of waiting. We have been looking for ways to do more ministry, to reach out to more students, and (most pressing) ways to afford to keep this outreach alive. We have good ideas, and lots of dreams. But, for a variety of reasons, the timing hasn't quite worked out. So . . . . we keep praying, we keep planning, we keep dreaming - and because we are Presbyterian we keep MEETING! Lots of meetings! All of that adds up to LOTS of waiting.

Waiting to begin what we feel called to do in order to give new life to this ministry. Waiting for the right plan, the right team, the right vision. Waiting to welcome more students. I feel like I've been in that watch tower for MONTHS - and I can see, in the distance, a whole group of students heading our way. But the sea keeps changing and their boat can't quite reach our shores yet.

Frustrating? YES! But not without hope. We continue to listen, to hope, to pray, to work, AND to wait. And deep down I believe that all of this will happen in God's time. And when it does, we (like the monks) will be waiting to welcome in the new faces, tired from their voyage, looking for respite. I just need to figure out what those monks did to keep from going crazy in the meantime!!!

Wait on the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; Wait for the Lord! ~ Psalm 27:14

feeling small

There are times when I feel particularly small - which is funny, because I have always been a big woman, even at my skinniest. But when I stand looking up at tall trees, or out at the ocean, or into a clear night sky, or at a mountain range - I feel small. When I hear about how many people are hungry, homeless and cold in our county, I feel small. When look at children existing on what food they can collect from the city dump in Nicaragua, I feel small. When the news is filled with a tragedy like the one in Haiti, I feel small.

Small because I wonder what can one person do, really, to make a difference when there is so much pain in the world. But then, then just when I think I might be small, I hear voices raised in hatred and blame - like Job's friends, let's blame the victims. Let's vilify the immigrants, the homeless, those who have just watched their island home crumble, who even now are digging family and friends out of the rubble. That is when I know who is really small - those who have little love in their hearts.

Then I am reminded that we are all children of God - we are empowered to be the light in this world. We can't change it all by ourselves, but we can do our part. And if all of us speak up, act up, give, help - then it CAN make a difference. I am reminded of Mother Teresa telling folks that if there are those who are poor or hungry in this world it is because those of us who have more than we need haven't shared with others.

This weekend we mourn the tragic loss of life and hope in Haiti, and we think about the life work of Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. Maybe we don't remember the names of all the people who worked in the Civil Rights movement, but the fact of the matter is, no matter how gifted, driven, and passionate King was, the country changed because LOTS of "little" people were willing to join the movement. They gave money, time, energy, respect of the status quo, and some, like Martin, gave their lives. Some things are worth giving it all.

I'm not sure how all this fits together, but I think it does. It is something about living for reasons bigger than us, reasons like love and justice. It is something about hearing the call to love our neighbors, to be the salt and light in this world. It is something about remembering even in the face of darkness and fear that love and light are greater. It is something about doing little things for big reasons, even when we feel small.

a crabby new year

I had the distinct pleasure of welcoming 2010 with some dear friends. We spent the weekend at the coast and made the most of one of the best years ever for dungeness crab! They were ENORMOUS and amazing - you didn't even need to dip them in butter, mmmmmmmmmm!!!!

What we couldn't eat went into an amazing seafood gumbo the next day - it pays to have friends who know how to cook! We got to watch a storm roll in from the comfort of the cabin (in front of the fire!), watched movies, played games and then went for some walks along the coast when the weather let up. All in all not a bad way to start the year, in fact I think it would bode well if the year follows that pattern. Out enjoying the beauty of nature when you get the chance, great meals from the bounty of local food, friends who will ride out the storms with you. Can't ask for much more, can you? Happy 2010 y'all!